With lupus, change never goes unnoticed

If the fatigue I mentioned on Monday wasn't enough of a false alarm - my most recent malware alert sure was! You know I've had my fair share of issues with my website and malware - but thankfully, all has been clean and clear since I made a clean sweep of my site. (Thank you, Kevin!)

But just last week, I made a minor change to my website which I expected would be seamless, but was anything but. I switched hosting companies so that I could have my new saragorman.com site alongside my despitelupus.com site, but my malware scanning service didn't like the change. In fact, they saw the interim site that went up while the change took place as a glitch, tagged it as malware, and alerted me that my site was infected. Eek! But I remained calm (or relatively calm, since this malware has eaten up enough of my time and energy to launch a million websites), and alerted the professionals. They got on it, and indeed, confirmed that the scanner was confused - all was well - and I could keep on keeping on.

But seriously. I didn't need that fire drill.

Well, maybe I did.

Maybe it's a good reminder that change, at least as far as lupus is concerned, doesn't often go unnoticed. Sometimes I try and trick myself into thinking that I can push the envelope when it comes to changing up the routine. Like my nap routine - or my medication routine - or my easy-does-it-on the errands routine. And now with this Raynaud's, even a change in temperature doesn't slip by me. I need to bundle up like everyone else in the world when it's chilly. No more little fashion plate numbers that I try to pass off as coats when it's below freezing. And    even if my gloves don't match - they need to be worn. Without fail.

I think the biggest change in routine that I try to convince myself will go unnoticed is my compulsion to multi-task. No matter how hard I try - when I attempt to juggle 27+ things - it just takes its toll. I wish it didn't. I wish it could be like the old days before lupus, when my plate was piled high with demands and deadlines, and I could make every single one of them happen. In fact, I thrived off of the pressure to do so. Now - when my plate gets overloaded...I just get tired. And frustrated because I'm tired. And then I get tired of being frustrated.

But it's okay. I've found that there's power in knowing your limitations, and finding creative ways to work within those constraints. Change is what it is - and in most instances, it's a good thing. I'm a mom now...and I wasn't before. I'm now an author with a blog and a book...and I wasn't before. I'm now an entrepreneur launching a line of toiletry bags...and I wasn't before. It's exciting, challenging, and fun...and an opportunity to learn how to balance all that while living well with lupus. Guess I have my work cut out for me, eh?


Laura said…
Amen to that! I've really had to change my "overachiever" competitive attitude--talk about a hard change! It's nice to know another professional is learning to live with the same challenges. Thanks for your thoughts!
Anonymous said…
I just finished your book and will be reading it again but this post reminds me so much that multi-tasking does not work for me. I cannot do it anymore because I get tired and I am not very good at it anymore- and IT IS NOT MY FAULT! Thanks Sara!!!
Sara Gorman said…
Oh-so-challenging, and oh-so-not our fault!! Thanks for your comments, guys. So good to know that I'm not the only one. I gave a speech a few weeks back, and at one point in the presentation, I asked if there were any multi-taskers in the room. Practically everyone raised their hand. And whether it's at home, at work, volunteering, or social organizing, we just have to learn to shut that "doer" valve off...not so that we're not productive, but just so we're not running ourselves into the ground!

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