Now that we're well into swimsuit season, I realize that I'm not quite ready for swimsuit season. But are we ever?

My suit fits fine, I won't complain about that. I'm just thrilled not to be in my maternity bathing suit like last summer! But I'm still sporting those unsightly bruises from the Lovenox shots I had to take during pregnancy. (Yes - they're over a year old!!!). But that's not all. While I won't go into specific details - you know me - I hate visual aids -suffice it to say that I have quite a few other bruises as well. Yes, I'm a bit clumsy, yes, I have lupus blood, and yes, I'm on prednisone...but come on!

The worst part is that I forget about them. Some would say that's a good thing - that the fact that I no longer notice them (until I notice someone else noticing them) means that I'm not unnecessarily self-conscience about my lupus-ridden body. And yes, by anyone's estimation, that is a VERY good thing. But because I don't worry about it, I forget to warn people before I unveil my black and blue beauties.

I found myself thinking the same thing when I was getting my hair cut recently. I was talking away, waving my hands in the air to make my point about goodness-knows-what...and I caught a glimpse of my skinny, bony, arthritic hands in the mirror. Boy, were they old looking! I know I've mentioned my hands before, and I really am over it - but it's just crazy how you can lose sight of your "lupusness", until, of course, you're outside of your normal routine and something jumps out as a bit out of the ordinary.

I noticed my latest lupusesque habit this morning, when I pulled open my bedside table drawer to take my morning meds, and realized that I actually take a handful of pills each morning and night, and have for quite some time. Again, I take 90% fewer pills than I used to - and for that, I'm thankful - but I still manage to choke down at least three or four in the morning and four at night. Not bad for a lupite, but if you stop and think about it - not everyone does that!

So here's to those of us who have learned to live with the needs of our long as we're not overlooking something that needs attention (like just dealing with fatigue rather than finding a way to get more sleep in the course of a day), I say congrats!


GG said…
You are beautiful inside and out! Four days on the beach and I did not see a bruise on you!
Sara Gorman said…
Thank you for not noticing!!!!

Love you! SG
Christina said…
I too have learned to live with all that Lupus does to my body...bruising easily (I'm a bit clumsy too), bruises that just won't go away, stretch marks all over my legs (due to edema when I was first diagnosed) and other parts of my body, and the fact that I'm 26 and carry around a pill organizer in my purse, complete with assigned compartments for Tylenol and ibuprofen :P In my early years of having Lupus (when I was a freshman in high school) I was definitely more self-conscious of any bruising or stretch marks I had that were visible to the eye, often taking notice of others looking at them. Through the years though, the marks have seemed to fade, and so has my self-consciousness overall. All of my "battle scars" as I like to call them, just keep reminding me how far I have come with Lupus, and how far I still have yet to go, overcoming this disease :)
Sara Gorman said…
Exactly! I couldn't have said it better myself!

I can't tell you how long I held out using one of those pill organizers. I was just adamant about not needing it, despite the dozens of pills I was juggling in this big old bag of pill bottles. Thank goodness I came around - it really does help to just say, "I have lupus. Now how can I make life easier?"

Thanks for sharing.

Meredith said…
I also share the trait of being clumsy!! It is reassuring (although unfortunate) to hear that I am not the only one with bruises that last for months if not longer. I currently have a large bruise on my calf that has been there for over a year! Doctors seem to be baffled by it. I know that it wasn't the point of your post, but I thought I'd share! Thanks for a great post.

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