Now that we're well into swimsuit season, I realize that I'm not quite ready for swimsuit season. But are we ever?
My suit fits fine, I won't complain about that. I'm just thrilled not to be in my maternity bathing suit like last summer! But I'm still sporting those unsightly bruises from the Lovenox shots I had to take during pregnancy. (Yes - they're over a year old!!!). But that's not all. While I won't go into specific details - you know me - I hate visual aids -suffice it to say that I have quite a few other bruises as well. Yes, I'm a bit clumsy, yes, I have lupus blood, and yes, I'm on prednisone...but come on!
The worst part is that I forget about them. Some would say that's a good thing - that the fact that I no longer notice them (until I notice someone else noticing them) means that I'm not unnecessarily self-conscience about my lupus-ridden body. And yes, by anyone's estimation, that is a VERY good thing. But because I don't worry about it, I forget to warn people before I unveil my black and blue beauties.
I found myself thinking the same thing when I was getting my hair cut recently. I was talking away, waving my hands in the air to make my point about goodness-knows-what...and I caught a glimpse of my skinny, bony, arthritic hands in the mirror. Boy, were they old looking! I know I've mentioned my hands before, and I really am over it - but it's just crazy how you can lose sight of your "lupusness", until, of course, you're outside of your normal routine and something jumps out as a bit out of the ordinary.
I noticed my latest lupusesque habit this morning, when I pulled open my bedside table drawer to take my morning meds, and realized that I actually take a handful of pills each morning and night, and have for quite some time. Again, I take 90% fewer pills than I used to - and for that, I'm thankful - but I still manage to choke down at least three or four in the morning and four at night. Not bad for a lupite, but if you stop and think about it - not everyone does that!
So here's to those of us who have learned to live with the needs of our disease...as long as we're not overlooking something that needs attention (like just dealing with fatigue rather than finding a way to get more sleep in the course of a day), I say congrats!