Good, level-headed decisions does not a tired lupite make...usually!

Last week, I promised you details of my recent trip to California, but the holiday festivities got in the way. But now I'm ready to talk turkey (I couldn't resist), so here goes:

Our five-day trip to the west coast was fabulously uneventful. The girls were great, the wedding we attended was a blast, and the 3-hour time change didn't make life too difficult. When we travel through several time zones, we typically stay on our time (e.g. east coast time), particularly when the trip is as short as it was. We managed to inch our way to about a 2-hour time difference by day five, but it's actually worked in our favor upon our return home. We're getting a little extra rest in the morning...which is always a plus!

Since we were getting up so early California-time, we found ourselves quite productive in the morning. We figured as long as it "felt" like 8:30 am, it didn't really matter what the clock said (e.g.,5:30 am). Of course, because we were up that early, by 11am, we were ready for afternoon naps. We pushed it an hour or two here and there, but the girls and I managed to do pretty well.

I did have a "despite lupus" moment one of our last mornings there, however - one with which I'm sure you can identify. We'd been up since before 6 am, and had plans to meet up with family around 11 am, with a wedding ceremony scheduled for 3 pm that afternoon. Johnny and I responsibly decided that Bernadette and I would stay behind from the family get-together so that she and I could get in a nap between 12-2 pm, and be ready to go for the afternoon wedding. We would drop Johnny and Deirdre off at the family meet-up around 11 am, and then we'd have the car to run errands until 12 pm. Sounded good to me, because I could think of a dozen things in which to fill the time! I needed shoes for an upcoming wedding, a fancy wrap for another occasion, snacks for the girls for the flight home the next day, etc. etc. I had that hour planned out to the minute, and I was so excited about the opportunity to get a few things accomplished. Or so I thought.

By the time we were ready to walk out the door (just 15-20 minutes later), I was starting to lose steam. Fatigue was setting in (as it always does about 5-6 hours after I wake), and while I tried to deny it, the thought of driving a car, in areas I wasn't familiar, to then go shopping, seemed like a really bad idea. If I was tired now, in what condition would I be in 30 minutes? How about after an hour, when Bernie and I would both be overdue for a nap?

But those errands! How desperately I wanted to get a little shopping done. It would make life so much easier once we returned home. In fact, I thought of a handful of really good reasons why I should just push through...but as I tried to justify why I should go, it became more difficult to reason the whole thing out. That fatigue just kept creeping into the picture.

And that made me mad. I was mad that my body couldn't handle it. I was mad that I couldn't go shopping. I was mad that I couldn't get anything "accomplished." I was mad that lupus made me tired. I was mad that I had to make sacrifices. And I was mad because I was getting tired.

Which is the whole point, right?

(Note that I only get mad (or cry) when I'm tired - it's like an instant give-away, and for once, I caught my own "tell". Johnny could see it coming a mile away, of course, but he was very patient, and let me come to the decision on my own.)

Because I knew the right thing to do was to stay put, and because I knew I would put my health and possibly my daughter's safety in danger if I didn't, I tossed the keys to Johnny. They could take the car on their own, and Bernie and I would resign ourselves to walking across the street to get lunch at the local grocery store. Big whoop.

But you know what? Bernie and I had a great time at the local grocery store. We were able to buy snacks for the return flight (crossing one thing off the list!), enjoyed a picnic lunch in our hotel room, courtesy of the grocery deli, and took two gloriously long two-hour naps, which paved the way for a great evening out that night after the wedding. It also allowed for a very smooth flight home the next day. Because I hadn't pushed it the day before, I wasn't working at a deficit the following day.

And I'm no longer mad. Particularly because I'm no longer tired!


I cry when I feel fatigue. just because my brain is telling my body what to do and I don't have the energy to do it. I push myself till I can't do anymore. and then I regret it because I end up crying being sent home from work and feeling so tired that I sleep from 7pm to 6am the next day
Sara Gorman said…
The fatigued teariness isn't any good, is it? I hope you're able to build upon and learn from your most recent experience...ideally NOT pushing so hard the next time. It's such a hard, hard lesson to learn, but hopefully knowing that I struggle with it, too, will give you courage! Best of luck - and here's to stopping ourselves before the tears begin!

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