Friday, March 9, 2012

Plans or PIllbags? Does it really matter?

First, I want to thank those of you who emailed or commented about the renovation my family and I are about to undertake. I'd been hesitant to blog about such a non-lupus subject, but it seems that lupites like renovations...despite the fact that the stress, upheaval, and disarray caused by such an endeavor don't really mesh well with a chronic illness that can be flared by stress. But...that's the way we lupites roll, so let the renovation blogging go on!

That said, just a full four days after my first renovation posting, I have two things to report:

The first - I haven't been doing a very good job of sticking to my renovation "hours of operation". That is, reserving nap time as nap time, and reserving night time as sleep time. But...starting from day one to now, I've actually made improvement, probably because I knew that I was going to have to report back on how I've been doing!

The first day was rough - my 2pm naptime came and went, and I kept on searching for granite. Later that night, my 10pm bedtime came and went, and my eyes stay glued to houzz.com. I finally wised up after 11pm...but it wasn't without reluctance.

The second day, I did better, cutting myself off well before 3pm, and again before 11pm. On day three and four, I finished strong. Day four in fact, came and went, with no infringement on my sleep time at all. Wow - walking the walk takes some effort!

And the second - I've realized that proposed deadlines, as they relate to my renovation, my pillbags, my book, etc.,  can't/don't/shouldn't matter. April 1st is right around the corner, and two things are supposed to happen by then: A) my new manufacturer is supposed to have a slew of finished pillbags on my doorstep, such that I can launch my site and start bringing pillbags to homes across the country;  B) our architect's final schematic drawings are supposed to be delivered and in the hands of our bidding contractors.

Now - both of those things are actually scheduled to happen a week or two BEFORE April 1st. But I'm allowing extra time, because in the worlds of manufacturing and architecture, something always comes up. That said - as I was making dinner last night, I was thinking - come April 1st, which would I rather have - my pillbags in hand, or the schematics completed? I kept going back and forth between the two (as if my preference makes any difference to begin with), making a case for one, and then the other.

But then it dawned on me. It doesn't really matter. It shouldn't really matter. It can't really matter. April 1st can come and go - and even if neither the delivery of the bags nor the completion of the plans come to pass, life will go on. No one need lose any sleep over it, and I certainly can't get sick over it. (Not that I would have...but I'm just saying...)

If there's one lesson I've learned in the 11 years I've had lupus - it's that I have to manage my own expectations. Expectations of what I'm capable of doing amid my lupus limitations, expectations for how much emotional stress I can handle without infringing on my health, and most importantly, expectations for what I'm going to with a Plan B. Life with lupus is filled with "Plan B's" - and the better prepared I am to accept a sidestep here, or a change of plans there, the healthier and happier I will stay.

Here's to a great weekend - may it exceed your expectations!


4 comments:

GG said...

Don't be "fooled" that things will be ready 4/1!

cb said...

Hoping the renovations go well! It's an exciting time! I'm new to the site. Have had lupus for 5 yrs + and I am in the process of reading your book; it is so helpful, as I am just beginning to accept the disease without fighting against it. Your use of the word "expectations" in your article is powerful! It is a new learning experience that I am just beginning to understand. Thank you for this site and the book. It's wonderful to find folks who are walking this same journey. Have a restful weekend!

Sara Gorman said...

GG - You're right! Both my manufacturer and my architect will probably use that one, too! ("You thought this would be ready on April 1st? No way - April Fool's!")

Let's hope it goes better than that!

Sara Gorman said...

CB - Thanks so much for sharing, and I really appreciate the comments on the book! It IS a learning experience - and as you can see from my blog, even after 11 years, I continue to fine-tune the lessons I've learned. Best wishes and I'll look forward to hearing from you again.