As I've mentioned, Johnny and I would like to be surprised come October about what the gender of our baby is. We have another 2-week sonogram this morning, so hopefully Bun will be kind and refrain from displaying his or her wares. In the meantime, I welcome your guesses, hunches, and premonitions. You have a 50/50 shot, so feel free to throw out your vote!
I was teasing Johnny recently that he probably really wanted Bun to be a strapping young man - perhaps so he could pass on his name - but he assured me he had no preference. I kept egging him on, thinking that I'd get the truth out of him if I persisted. Well, the truth did come out, as he said, "You have to remember that for the last five years, I didn't know if we'd ever be able to have kids, so I'll take whatever you have in there."
Well, if that didn't bring tears to my eyes! It reminded me just how patient, understanding and supportive Johnny has been through these past few years with Lupus. He's never once rushed this pregnancy process, and was usually the one to call off our attempts when he could tell my body wasn't up to par. We've waited this long, and now it's really paying off. I never thought I'd be sitting here, almost 6 months pregnant, but I am, and I'm thankful everyday that we were patient enough to let it happen.
I was just emailing someone today about Lupus and pregnancy - and mentioned that it wasn't that we had given up hope of having a baby, we had just realigned our priorities so that babydom wasn't something we were counting on. We didn't even know if it was a possibility, and relieving ourselves of that pressure really allowed me to focus on what was most important at the time - getting healthy for the sake of living well. I know now that was the most important goal of all - not to have a baby, or taper my medications, or cutback on my naps - it was to concentrate on being the happiest and healthiest person I could be...and then the rest of those things would fall into place.
I know it's easy for me to say all of this now - since I am pregnant, happy, and healthy - but I guarantee you, it wasn't just luck that got me here.