Monday, February 10, 2014

Listening to that "little voice" - another lupus lesson

Last week, I offered to make dinner for a friend who'd just undergone surgery. As I was writing out the grocery list for the ingredients for my homemade lasagna (a pretty darn good dish, if I do say so myself), a little voice inside said, "Do you think you could just buy a pre-made lasagna?" I paused, but then quickly dismissed the idea, telling myself that, of course, the family would prefer a home-cooked meal. I finished my list, and headed off to the store.

As I was browsing the aisles, that little voice came back, this time saying, "You know, when YOU were sick, your girlfriend brought you that fabulous pan of already made Safeway Lasagna, and you love it. Want to just pick one up instead of making it?" I thought for a moment, weighed my options, but then tossed the suggestion aside again, convinced that a homemade lasagna was the only way for me to really convey how much I cared. (I know, I know...that little voice should have strung me up by my toenails for that last comment...but little voices normally don't resort to violence.)

Later that morning, I had another errand to run...this time to the post office. As I got in the car, and started to pull out of the driveway, that little voice came back, this time saying, "How about asking Johnny to run this package to the post office later? He's always happy to do that for you."  I stopped the car, partly to consider the idea, but mostly because I was surprised at how impertinent this little voice was becoming. Within moments, I decided against it. Johnny had stuff to do (I told myself), and I was feeling pretty good. While I DID have a full day of activities ahead of me, I was sure that I could manage.

Well - at the end of the day, I found that I actually couldn't manage. I'd overdone it...having run the errands in the morning, cooking a good part of the day, rushing around that evening to deliver the meal before heading out for the evening. As I crawled into bed that night, I wasn't down right sick...but I'd definitely felt better. I'd just done too much - and the worst part was that I'd had options...good ones, too...I just chose to ignore them. Ugh.

Fast forward two days later. The girls were at school, and I had the morning to myself. I'd planned to work out before picking up the girls, and I was actually in the middle of typing an email to my girlfriend saying, "I'm going to go work out in a few...", when that little voice came back. Again. This time, it said, "What would you think about taking a nap right now?" I stopped for a moment, and then hit "send" on my email. I walked upstairs, eyed the treadmill for all of five seconds, and instead grabbed Dar and headed to bed. I woke up an hour and 20 minutes later, refreshed and ready to go. I still had just enough time to work out, so I hopped on the treadmill. As I started up the machine, I thought I heard a little voice whisper ever so softly, "Nice going", but I might have been mistaken. I had on earphones, after all.


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