Much to my dismay, I had to pass on a wonderful networking opportunity this past week. It would have been a fabulous chance to introduce myself to several people in the lupus community that I haven't had the chance to work with before, and I could have reconnected with a few others who are most likely unfamiliar with my pillbag venture, and even possibly my book. Alas, it wasn't meant to be, as the event was scheduled right in the middle of my naptime. I just couldn't see any way around it - so I had to decline.
I was very tempted, don't get me wrong. The event started at 12pm and I was convinced that if we could wrap things up by 2:30 (or at the latest 3pm), I could make it work. But it was scheduled to go even later, and my presence after 3pm would have been mandatory. And after 3pm, I might have physically been there, but mentally, I would have been checked out for sure. Add to that a 30-minute commute home, and my "I can stay until 3pm" declaration really was pushing it to begin with. (Not to mention the fact that professional photographers were scheduled, and pictures of me tired and bleary-eyed really wouldn't have benefited anyone!)
As is often the case after I decline an activity due to napping reasons, I always think long and hard about my rest time. Couldn't I cut it out of my routine? Couldn't I just get another hour or two of sleep at night? Wouldn't it be worth it to just push myself and see how productive I can be? Maybe my body just needs to adjust to being up for a full day, and I'll eventually get used to life with naps. Or maybe, instead of a nap, I can just read, or write, or watch a movie with Deirdre. Maybe it's just quiet time that I need. Yeah...maybe that's the ticket.
And then I pinch myself.
Actually, what happens is that I think so long and hard about this idea of not napping, that the day whizzes by and I find myself in the middle of the afternoon, right at 2pm, which is my witching hour. And the fatigue doesn't lie. As much as I want to hypothesize about not needing a nap, the exhaustion that washes over me every afternoon indicates something very different.
In fact, the very day that I declined the event, I had to delay my nap by about an hour due to Bee and Dee issues. And as I was dragging myself up the stairs at 3pm, weary and tired, I said a little prayer of thanksgiving - 1) for giving me the strength/wherewithal/foresight to decline the networking event, and 2) for offering up an example of just how tired I would have been had I accepted! In simply saying "No", I had sidestepped a disaster waiting to happen. I'm so relieved I don't have to muster up the "game face" to make it through the afternoon. What a waste of one of my nine lives!
So. I will continue to listen to the rest my body demands and respond accordingly. My naps will continue. It was fun to think otherwise, even if just for a few hours!