Friday, April 17, 2009

Reality check

This post is my attempt at a reality check. In Wednesday's post, I mentioned that I'm still having trouble with my nursing infection. It's a very annoying, painful experience, I can assure you, and yet I find that I'm trying to convince myself it's not that bad. Let me explain:

When I wrote Wednesday's post (on Tuesday night), I was pain-free. It felt like the infection was on its way out, and in the original version of the post, I wrote something like, "it sounds worse than it is..." Hah! I woke up Wednesday morning, fed sweet Deirdre (which went swimmingly), and even gave thought to the idea of continuing to breastfeed for another month or so (primarily because it's so stinkin' convenient.) However, when I crawled back into bed to get a little rest during her morning nap, the pain reemerged, so much so that I couldn't sleep. Hours later I was still feeling it, and by this point, I was crabby, tired, and in pain. Not a good combination. And you know what? It WAS as bad as it sounded.

I hate being in pain, especially when I can take steps not to bring it on (i.e. wean the little lady so that mastitis doesn't have a chance of reoccurring.) So, because I'm such an optimist (and I tend to overlook the bad and focus on the good), I'm going to make a quick list of why subjecting myself to pain is NOT a good thing:

When I'm in pain...
1) I'm a crabmeister
2) I can't sleep, so I'm left feeling very fatigued (and crabby - see #1)
3) I have very little patience, and Johnny and Henry pay for it. (I'm usually able to keep my patience in check for little Deirdre, and Darwin does nothing to try my patience, but the other two get the brunt of my frustration)
4) I'm not able to focus, so I'm not as productive, which makes me even more crabby. (Do you see a pattern emerging?)
5) I'm not able to appreciate everyday activities, like taking a quick run or sipping a good cup of coffee. The experiences are overshadowed by the pain...

These reasons, of course, remind me why I try to keep lupus in check. I've spent way too much time fighting the disease (and being crabby, fatigued, impatient, and foggy) in the past to know that a lupus flare is something I don't want to experience anytime soon. Therefore - I need to keep doing what I'm doing to stay healthy - which includes making good decisions about nursing, etc.

There. I've done it. Now I have no excuses, do I?

2 comments:

Wendy said...

I hope you've got this problem licked by now. It reminds me of the endless UTI's before getting my UCTD under control. Not fun at all.
Thanks for your blog, discovered via Reasonably Well. Hadn't ever considered the possibility of actually being well despite ("incomplete", in my case) lupus. Until reading you, it seemed like a useless exercise-- like playing with a losing hand. But, newly inspired, I've been more proactive lately about getting to a higher level of wellness, while accepting that it involves making certain concessions.
Thanks for a great blog!
And the incredibly sweet pictures too :-) .

Sara Gorman said...

Great to hear from you and thanks for the comments. I used to think being well was an exercise in futility, too. But once I started seeing (and experiencing) the benefit of my efforts, I realized how wrong I was! Glad you're doing what you can to stay well. Keep me posted...