tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8824828113983189391.post5732157965778838783..comments2024-03-22T07:23:12.169-04:00Comments on Despite Lupus: Letting the word "No" roll off my lupus tongue.Sara Gormanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07608238591846611898noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8824828113983189391.post-16076812228284213462012-04-25T22:57:49.337-04:002012-04-25T22:57:49.337-04:00I know - sometimes it seems like a lose-lose situa...I know - sometimes it seems like a lose-lose situation. Cater to your own needs (by saying "no" to activities, duties, etc.), and you inconvenience (for lack of a better term) someone else. Say "yes" in order to accommodate others, and you put yourself at a health risk. I actually have a post coming out about this very thing - the concept of why we put others at the forefront, when it endangers our health? You've said exactly why we do it...but at some point, we have to make some hard decisions and keep believing that by saying "no", we're setting the stage for others to begin to understand what our limitations are and how we live (best) with lupus. I'm with you though - it's never easy!Sara Gormanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07608238591846611898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8824828113983189391.post-52631645607056080432012-04-24T21:57:47.126-04:002012-04-24T21:57:47.126-04:00Oh yes, it does get easier to say no. What I find ...Oh yes, it does get easier to say no. What I find hard is when someone I care about doesn't understand, no I can't do it. it's still in me to do & to do. Instead of not feeling guilty when I thought I did what I had to do by saying NO to something, the guilt creeps in when someone important asks why not. Or I intentionally do too much because I didn't see where someone could help & knowing what makes me happy in my life & events I get joy from like a wedding & distraction from pain. So an event like a wedding has a series of possible hit & miss events. For perfect, you make them all. & hopefully you have nothing planned for 2 days to lay around the house & rest. But there are times near exhaustion I ask, knowing me, which do you think I should have given up? If someone close to me can't choose what to give up, then where's my help? It's getting better by trial & error. Miss this rehearsal dinner because I have to rest for the wedding & it was a long flight. Recently I could use the allergic to shellfish analogy. This person knows I love the water & sports that go along with it, but the sun does NOT love me.. It's like that person eating 1 shellfish she's allergic to. What will happen, this time? Will it be worth eating it again? For how long can you do it? But, when we say NO, the world around us stops, as in, they're not quite sure what to do. Do they switch to take care of you mode & chip in dividing up your jobs or are they confused cause you're saying no to what part or parts? I find the hardest park is when I've accepted I can't do something, I say so, then people stand there not knowing what that means. It's hard enough to give up a another part of your rituals & something everyone likes to look forward to. But can the idea be adapted or is it totally scrapped. I make a decision & it triggers several more that seem trivial by then, because the hard part was that initial NO! I haven't said no before but in the beginning, someone must have anticipated i'd say no, so can't someone just carry on from here without me deciding why did I ever say no if I was going to have more work explaining the no rather than just doin it. This rambling probably doesn't make sense. I think I'm trying to say that when I made a choice to skip something, others questioned the reason for that choice , but didn't speak to me about it. And these are family that haven't taken the time to understand how I look good every time they see me. And they don't "get" my response, you dont see me when I don't look well. How do I avoid the struggle of a situation when I have decided to not go to, for rest reasons, but others think I should have been at. And, not upset the bride & groom & parents of both?Debshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14705802139856939682noreply@blogger.com